The beginning always ends ...
but there is no end to new beginnings.
Hi there,
I’m happy you’re here.
If this is your first time reading my newsletter, I welcome you.
If this is not your first time reading my newsletter, I’m glad you’re back.
Whether you’re are the beginning, the middle, or the end, there’s likely to be some resistance …
Is this worth my time? Is this the right time? Am I ready for this?
I quite literally feel this way every time I open a newsletter or consider starting a new book … but it goes well beyond that.
Jobs, friendships, relocations, lovers …
Is this worth my time? Is this the right time? Am I ready for this?
This cycle of beginnings and endings was fresh in my mind when I read “Klara and the Sun” by Kazuo Ishiguro recently.
… people often felt the need to prepare a side of themselves to display to passers-by – as they might in a store window – and that such a display needn’t be taken so seriously once the moment had passed.
If you were blessed with a strong sense of independence and the ability to avoid the countless “shoulds” of the world from a young age, that’s incredible (and I have a lot of questions for you) …
But many of us get wrapped up in what others think our body, our clothes, our job, our happiness “should” look like.
This can often lead to ending things we don’t want to end and beginning things we don’t want to begin.
I spent the majority of my life - 30 years to be specific - following the shoulds. This home, that job, this relationship … and it will come as no surprise that I felt miserable and lost in my own life most of the time.
But you know what’s even scarier than living the life you don’t enjoy?
Living the life you want.
Is this worth my time? Is this the right time? Am I ready for this?
If you spend decades listening to the shoulds, you’ll likely have a hard time hearing your natural instinct and desire.
I waffled between being an entrepreneur and being an employee full-time. I ran 5 successful businesses in my 20s, and brought them all crashing down only to return to full-time employment that gave me no sense of fulfillment or purpose … but isn’t that what I should do?
Before you think this is a massive plug to strike out on your own and figure it out along the way, it’s not.
My failure to understand what mattered to ME left me vulnerable and dependent on others in ways I’ll never feel comfortable with.
Fast forwarded to my mid-30s and I was, once again, running a successful solo company and making the most consistent money I ever had … but I’d run out of growth opportunities and had only 3 options:
Take on more clients and work longer hoursTransform my business into an agency model and manage itTransition back to being a full-time employee and see where I wanted to go next
Is this worth my time? Is this the right time? Am I ready for this?
Every single previous full-time employee situation I’d been in had ended the same way, and I always knew I was going to quit when I heard the same phrase … “This is how we’ve always done it.”
Until recently, I didn’t think that humans could choose loneliness. That there were sometimes forces more powerful than the wish to avoid loneliness.
Was it time for a big transition like this?
If you’ve been around for a bit, then you know I’m a very scientific-minded person … so it was time to run an experiment.
In October 2020, I began applying to jobs that met 3 simple criteria: 100% remote, full-time employee arrangement, and a salary of at least $60K/year
And for the curious, here are the stats from my 3-month experiment:
67 jobs applied to
20 applications rejected
7 jobs interviewed for
1 job offer accepted on December 14th, 2020
I’d never been more excited to start a job in my life … or more nervous.
Is this worth my time? Is this the right time? Am I ready for this?
16 months later, I’m still working for the same company, got a raise after 6 months on the job, promoted to a new role with a significant raise after 1 year … and yes, I’m happy.
Taking a full-time employee role WAS worth my time, it WAS the right time, and - it turns out - I WAS ready for it.
Notice all those “was” in the previous sentence?
The only way for me to know for sure was to trust myself and make the change.
It sounds so simple, and it is, but it was by no means easy. There were countless small mental, physical, emotional, financial, and logistical changes that had to happen before the job even began in January 2021.
But wait … here’s the super-secret reason it all worked out …
I did not resist.
There was no way for anyone, anywhere to guarantee that making that change was going to work out. None. Zip. Zilch.
However, I did believe that it was all going to work out for the best - cheesy, I know, but stick with me.
I did not RESIST the feeling of being unsure, but I trusted that I was capable of handling whatever happened.
Didn’t like the company? I could get hired at another one, or go back to working with clients for a while.
Didn’t like the job? I could apply for other roles at the company.
Yes, I also had backup plans that were not 100% guarantees, but they were options, and that eased my mind more than anything.
I would not be stuck.
And I would have time to return to my long-time love: writing.
The beginning always ends, but there is no end to new beginnings.
Maybe being an employee again be a one-page chapter … maybe it would be a 20-page chapter, but I wouldn’t know if I didn’t give it a chance.
My instinct was telling me it was time for a change. I followed it. It was worth it.
The cycle of beginnings and endings does not end, and we cannot always control it, but removing the resistance to the countless changes is the challenge and where efforts are best focused.
Is this worth my time? Is this the right time? Am I ready for this?
Journal about it. Talk it out during a long walk. Then DO something. Take one small step to find out if your instinct (or your assumptions) are right.
Gratefully,
VK