Fail Porn vs The Secret to Longevity

... and 7(!) freshly brewed book reviews

Hi there,

If you’ve read the news at all the past week, two weeks … ok, the past 3 years, you’re feeling a bit burnt out from all the chaos.

I know I am.

But that doesn’t mean that I stop reading or stop paying attention … but at what cost?

Fail Porn

I have many favorite newsletters on Substack, and one that I’ve been reading for over a year is Nick deWilde’s The Jungle Gym.

Fail Porn & Cope Culture

One of the more recent editions was about Fail Porn + Cope Culture (linked above) - “why we love consuming stories about other people's failure.”

During my full-time entrepreneur era, stories like these were lauded as important lessons that must be consumed.

As a fellow entrepreneur and business person, I needed to know why a CEO stepped down; why an influencer got arrested; why a well-known company hadn’t turned a profit in years … right?

I had to make sure that I didn’t make the same mistakes as I was building my dream company, my dream life … right?

Well, not so much.

Nick’s perspective of the adverse side effects of regularly consuming fail porn (being afraid to want things; feeling better about our lack of ambition; perpetually putting off pursuing our goals “that could improve our lives”) hit painfully close to home for me.

Having had 5 successful businesses in 15 years, I’m the one that killed all 5 of them. Intentionally.

Having read a dizzying amount of fail porn over that time, I learned to keep my vision small for the sake of not failing.

If I made sure that I didn’t make too much money, or I didn’t work with too many contractors or employees, or I didn’t take on too many clients … I could keep that happy medium of being successful and not drawing attention (especially from the IRS - yes, I paid all my taxes).

But that was all fear, my friend.

The fear of wanting things.

The fear of pursuing my goals and not having a guaranteed outcome.

Definitely not a useful trait for an entrepreneur, or a human in general.

So, less fail porn - instead, like Nick, I’ve focused more on folks’ successes, especially those that are writers (of both newsletters and/or published books, since that is the direction I’m focused on) …

But is that stunting my goals too?

The Secret to Longevity

Another newsletter (not on Substack 😢) that I read regularly is Well + Good. Not everything applies to me and I’m not a huge consumer, so I’m careful about the sales pitches … but one article caught my eye recently.

A 102-Year-Old Woman Says the Secret to Longevity Is Minding Your Own Business

When I was younger, I was definitely the gossip type - not because I wanted to be a part of it, but because I liked knowing with other folks didn’t know (blame the Gemini in me … or the INFJ … or the Enneagram 5 - pick one!).

Perhaps it is a natural side effect of getting older … or of not having a large friend group … but when I see stories about celebrities, or “influencers”, or even just stuff about family members, I’m not interested. The word is getting around, and people involve me in less of that. I’ve never been more thankful for the silence. (Plus, I left Facebook - that helped immensely!)

I’d also like to add that, perhaps as a side effect of aging, many of the folks that used to be the topic of the gossip I’d hear have gotten their shit together. Very thankful and happy for them.

Anyhoo, back to the Well + Good article …

Seriously, think of how much time you spend thinking about other people's lives. There's the fun stuff (tracking stranger breakups online) and then the not-so-fun stuff that can happen to the people you love. That's not to say you have to cover your ears and look the other way. [Annie Mae] Belin says she'll get into other people's business as needed: "I love to talk and I love people," she said. But she doesn't let every little issue consume her. (And that's a lot coming from a Gemini, a sign with a deep love for gossip.)

Tell. It. Like. It. Is. Annie Mae!

I’m less concerned about individual people and more concerned about the collective decisions that are being made (especially by a certain group of people in the US that fucking shouldn’t be … OK, no ranting today).

Maybe you’ve heard this quote before …

Great minds discuss ideas.

Average minds discuss events.

Small minds discuss people.

Often attributed to Eleanor Roosevelt, I find it to be quite poignant these days.

Events will happen, whether we are involved are not.

People will take actions, whether we like them or not.

But it’s the ideas that interest me the most. You need people and events to put those ideas into action, but if we aren’t spending more time on ideas (and expanding what we’re capable of), we end up with … well … what you see on the news.

So less fail porn and more minding your business … but how do we avoid “checking out” entirely?

Where’s the Middle?

Is there a black and white, clean-cut answer here?

Never read any news?

Delete all your social media accounts?

Unsubscribe from all newsletters?

Stop talking to humans?

Stop leaving the house?

OK, pretty sure we’re not going down that road, but the key here is that it is subjective.

The amount of news/gossip you can handle in one day or one week is going to change.

You’re going to follow some folks on social media and then unfollow them later (I do a huge clean-out of who I follow at least two times a year).

You’re going to read some newsletters and then unsubscribe because they don’t connect with you and your life.

This is not a one-and-done, all-size-fits-all solution.

I don’t really think those exist anymore, frankly.

But one thing I can say for certain is this:

Less fail porn and less gossip will help you feel less stressed.

This I am confident of, and this is what many of us need right now.

And if you really need something to read, pick up a book - it will have more depth than any news article or social media post (even manga!).

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📚 Refreshing Books Worth Sipping 📚

Leave a comment + let me know if you’ve read any of these books 🤓

Professional Troublemaker by Luvvie Ajayi Jones

I think it is important that we know what our problems are, and that we create the solutions for them. We need to create the world we prefer to live in.

If you read ONE self-help/self-improvement book this year, let it be this one. If you need, at any point, to feel better about yourself, trust yourself, and do what is best for YOU, read this book. If you are just fucking done with your old negative habits and hang-ups, read this book. So, basically, everyone should read this book. That is all.

American Detox by Kerri Kelly

The wellness industry sells us isolation and escapism. It dangles the false promise of perfection and purity. And we are just left more alone, more dissatisfied, and more isolated than ever. Fixating on self-help, self-seeking, self-everything keeps us fending for ourselves, neglecting the suffering of our friends and neighbors, and denying our humanity.

As a former full-time Yoga instructor who also lived in the NYC area, this book hit home very hard and very powerfully. Kerri pulls no punches, which is exactly what we need these days. She found connections between the wellness world and the major ills of today’s society that I had never contemplated before. I can still feel the mental shifts happening from reading this book, and I don’t think they’ll stop anytime soon.

Campfire Stories by Dave Kyu + Ilyssa Kyu

Perhaps that is what parks are - breathing spaces for a society that increasingly holds its breath.

Full disclosure: I’ve never been camping, but I have visited a lot of state parks, and national parks are next on my list. My Mum sent me this book for my birthday and it was a joyous read that highlighted the unique aspects of each national park featured, and even though I haven’t been to any of them yet, the wanderlust is strong now!

Boys Run the Riot, Volumes 1-4 by Keito Gaku

It's ok if the only one who knows the real me is me.

While I have watched a lot of anime, I rarely read manga, but I’m very glad that I read this series. The series has ended and the 4 volumes can be read in one day (which is how I read them because I couldn’t put them down!). Written by a trans Japanese man about a trans Japanese man in high school who starts a clothing brand, I was hooked from the story concept alone. The story is beautifully told, highlighting the imperfect and always-worth-it journey of being true to yourself, internally and publicly.

Gratefully,

VK

Photo by Markus Spiske on Unsplash