What to do when slowing down causes your mind to drift away from the present

... and 9 freshly brewed book reviews

Hi there, friend,

I hope this emails find you well and, perhaps, slowing down.

Autumn is here in the Northern Hemisphere and it’s my favorite time of year. 🍂

Cooler temperatures, slower schedules, thicker soups … but you can be sure that I still drink iced tea year-round (I’m actually drinking iced Japanese genmaicha while I write this). 😉

But not everyone is comfortable with slowing down.

I work with a very nice guy who has been in my industry for over a decade. The other day, he said, “You’ll likely see my online working a lot. I just really like working and I never expect anyone else to be online as much as I am.”

On the one hand, I’m glad he doesn’t expect anyone else to be online at all types of random hours. It’s taken me 5+ years to set real boundaries around work and personal time - especially vital since I’ve been working from home for 20+ years.

On the other hand, while working on something you’re excited about is very motivating, we all need time away, time to slow down, and time to rest.

Those breaks in time - perhaps even accompanied by some boredom 😲 - can provide us with insights + ideas that we’d never stumble across otherwise.

Plus, I see a lot of value in spending time on things I don’t get paid for.

Not every hobby needs to be monetized and not every moment of our days needs to be “productive.”

This connects to another topic that has been on my mind lately: being present.

Historically, I’m an abject failure when it comes to being in the moment.

If you’re into astrology, I’m a Gemini Sun, Libra Rising, and Scorpio Moon, which translates to being the queen of living in my own head + vibrant, emotionally-driven daydreaming.

If you’re into the MBTI, I’m an INFJ, which translates to collecting as much information as superhumanly possible and running scenarios endlessly.

And lately, with some of the massive changes coming in my life (divorce, relocation/nomad life, finally going to Japan for the first time), I can’t help but ponder, imagine, and pontificate about what is to come over the next 2-3 years.

While that is fun to do some days, it can be massively distracting from the exciting and vibrant world around me on other days.

I’m currently in Colorado Springs, Colorado, and there is a large mountain called Pikes Peak that I can see from my workspace. In all its 14,115-feet splendor, I can see it from my seat on the majority of days.

And while I’m excited about the future, I feel a lot of other things: eagerness, nervousness, a bit of fear, and a whole lot of “what the fuck is really next for me!?”

Despite my best efforts, no amount of research, planning, or even saving money can stave off that cocktail of uncertainty.

Do you know what helps the most to quell that uncertainty?

Being present.

When I take one of my 2-3 walks a day, I gaze at the changing colors of the leaves on the trees next to my path and though my mind may wander occasionally, being on the move helps to bring one into the present.

When I start to daydream, I open a doc on my computer and start writing to get it out of my end, which usually ends within 5 minutes.

All our thoughts and emotions just want to be acknowledged, and that acknowledgment has to start with us as individuals.

By taking the time to give my daydreams a home that is NOT my brain, I can return to the present moment and enjoy all it has to offer.

But damn, that first trip to Japan is going to be amazing. 😊

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📚 Refreshing Books Worth Sipping 📚

Leave a comment + let me know if you’ve read any of these books 🤓

Childfree by Choice by Amy Blackstone

Though cultural lore suggests regret is a likely consequence, more common is an awareness of the stigma of choosing the path less traveled, an acceptance that not everyone will understand, and also the joy of arranging one’s life in the way that feels most right.

Being childfree by choice (a life I live) is still quite controversial for many groups and many cultures, yet it is becoming more common. While this book was published 2019, I found many of the essays and personal stories to still be relevant on this ever-changing-yet-still-villified topic. It all showcases a variety of reasons when someone chooses (by choice or not entirely by choice) to be childfree, and I certainly didn’t agree with everyone’s perspective, yet that is the whole point of the book. This is far less of a black-and-white topic than much of the writing about it can lead people to believe. This is still one of the best books on this topic available today.

The Widow, The Priest and The Octopus Hunter by Amy Chavez

Invariably, a divide will endure between factions willing to tolerate change in order to thwart depopulation and those who yearn to simply retire to the familiarity of the place they’ve lived all their lives, while recalling with fondness the prosperous days gone by. In the meantime, abandoned houses increase, the wild boar population flourishes, and the stone deities along the pilgrimage path, further consumed by weeds, retreat to the mountains they were carved from.

This was a curious and compassionate book, looking at the ever-changing cultural landscape of Japan and, possibly, rural areas in all countries. Seems a bit ironic to talk about this right after a book about choosing to be childfree, but if you read the book, you might be amused by the connection between the two. This book made me want to hop on a plane to Japan and live in the countryside to meet the story-filled locals (which, to be honest, is something I’ve wanted to do for a long time - this book just made me want to do it all the more). If you enjoy personal stories and how they connect an entire community, this is a good book for you.

Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before? by Julie Smith

… in therapy, before we can expect anyone to work on healing any past traumas, we must ensure they have the tools in place to build resilience and the ability to tolerate distressing emotions safely. There is such power in understanding the many ways you can influence how you feel and nurture good mental health.

Add this book to my short list of “Books Every Human Should Read.” Whether you’ve been to therapy or not, this book is for you. It’s full of intelligent perspectives on how our minds work AND useful insights into how to work with, instead of against, your mind when things get tough, emotions run high, and you feel you have nowhere to turn. I can say with confidence that my life would be drastically different if I had had a book like this to read a decade ago.

The Multi-Hyphen Life by Emma Gannon

YOU CAN BE A MULTI-HYPHENATE AND . . . have totally different interdisciplinary careers. They can look dissimilar on the surface but complement each other in interesting ways. still be an expert in one or more areas even if you have multiple interests or hyphens to your job title not be overly ambitious! Having a multi-hyphenate career isn’t always about being the best or being the hardest hustler. It is about having a cocktail of projects and work that makes you feel satisfied and driven. still maintain a successful day job or part-time job, with career strands added on the side. The beauty of this lifestyle is you don’t have to pick just one way of working.

I’ve always been curious about many things, including the things that I want to pursue professionally / get paid for, and this is the first book that didn’t make me feel like a weirdo for it. Still following my belief that not all hobbies or interests need to be monetized, that doesn’t mean that we have to work a job for 40 hours a week and that’s the only way we can make money. The internet has changed all that and being a multi-hyphenate is less about desperately needing to work 24/7 to not be downing in debt and more about having job(s) work for you, instead of squeezing in life around your work.

Diary of a Void by Emi Yagi

Maybe that’s what making a family is all about: creating an environment in which people make space for one another—maybe without even trying, just naturally, to make sure that nobody’s forgotten.

A fascinating translated fiction book about a woman who pretends to be pregnant at work. What started as a small fib turned into an entire 9-month cover-up that had some very interesting consequences. Ethical arguments aside, I really enjoyed this book!

Do Hard Things by Steve Magness

Somewhere along the way, we’ve become very confused about what actual toughness is. From coaching to parenting to leading in the workplace, we’ve taken the demanding part of the equation and forgotten the other side: warmth, care, and responsiveness to others’ needs.

The idea of “toughness” has always baffled me because the usual methods of developing “toughness” in myself never worked, and thanks to Steve’s book, it all makes a lot more sense. A mix of science, stories, and really useful advice, this book may change your mind about just how much you are capable of. Yes, you can do hard things.

Disconnected by Emma Gannon

The more individualistic our culture gets, the more we disconnect from each other and lose sight of a more common goal. Ironically, the more we obsess about our own individualism (how we look, how we are perceived, what we can get), the more we lose touch with our true individuality and how we can make a difference.

Emma Gannon is quickly becoming one of my favorite modern authors. This is her latest book, released earlier this year, and I found myself nodding along with much of what she wrote about how our relationship with the internet has changed since its commercial inception and how its changed our relationships with each other (for better and worse). If you ever feel like you wish your relationship with the internet was different, this is a book for you.

Night of the Living Rez by Morgan Talty

I wonder if ‘How'd we get here?’ is the wrong question. Maybe the right question is ‘How do we get out of here?’ Maybe that's the only question that matters.

This was an intensely emotional book for me where life and death collide on a regular basis. While, at times, it was hard to read, I’m thrilled that I did. Talty’s storytelling is a new kind of gritty, mildly sarcastic, and hyper-realistic - and I definitely want to read more of it!

Put Your Ass Where Your Heart Wants to Be by Steven Pressfield

When I sit down to write in the morning, I literally have no expectations for myself or for the day’s work. My only goal is to put in three or four hours with my fingers punching the keys. I don’t judge myself on quality. I don’t hold myself accountable for quantity. The only questions I ask are, Did I show up? Did I try my best?

Steven Pressfield, in his stark tough-love style, is back again! Every Pressfield book I’ve read has been a revelation and comes at the perfect time, and this book continues that trend. It’s a fast read that will shift your view on effort and what it takes to succeed. Read it. You can thank me later.

Gratefully,

VK

Photo by Lucas Calloch on Unsplash